In 2022, before I officially received my diagnosis, I was suddenly having trouble with balance. It was the period of my life I now affectionately refer to as “the leaning tower of Patti”. Basically, I would go to stand up and fall to the left, always to the left. I would also stumble and fall quite a bit when I was walking. After seeing a neurologist, physical therapy was ordered and I was told to try using a cane for balance when needed. I was 47, too young to use a cane! No way was that happening…
I started falling over more, walking into stuff and bouncing off of walls. And so the idea of a cane became a reality. Obviously, I was not a fan.
Admittedly, it helped me a lot with the falling, walking and knocking into things but it didn’t do much for my ego and it certainly didn’t match about 97% of my wardrobe.
I chose to get a purple HurryCane https://www.hurrycane.com/products/hurrycane-freedom-edition?variant=41627132854319 to use because of the fact that it was stable, had good reviews and folded up. I also liked the color.
I was self-conscious to say the least and did not like leaving the house. I received a lot of “off” looks from strangers for whatever reasons they had to stare at me. I would hear comments behind my back like “she doesn’t look sick”, “she’s too young for a cane” or “what’s her problem”. Let’s be honest, plenty of days I don’t look sick, I am young to be using (I still use it at times) a cane and if you want to know what my “problem” is, then just ask me.
I also noticed that people usually had one of two reactions when they saw me coming (especially when heading towards an elevator or escalator) – 1. they would go as fast as they could to get on before me and avoid me like it was Covid-19 all over again (we all know that using a cane is highly contagious if you are within 5-10 feet of the person who is using one and you will be at risk of needing one yourself it you are not careful) or 2. they practically trip over themselves trying to be as helpful as possible (after all, it is also well known that anyone who uses a cane cannot think for themselves or move any part of their body on their own). It was and is still annoying and insulting. Ignoring or running from us makes us feel like we are invisible or like there is something is wrong with us. Trying too hard to help us makes us feel like we are incapable of taking care of ourselves.
Here is a suggestion when you see someone who uses a cane, wheelchair or any other sort of mobile assistance advice – treat us like any other person. If you would normally hold the door or step aside to be polite then do that. If we are struggling, ask us “do you need help?” or “what can I do to help you?” and we will let you know if we need anything. Just for the record, we know we are different – maybe a little slower, need more room to move around or whatever we need so being rude, staring or being over-helpful will not change that, it will just make us feel worse. Just be polite and treat us like everyone else.
One day, I hit my limit with rudeness. We were out and a woman who had to be a little younger than me was leaving a public bathroom as I was entering, looked me up and down and said to her friend “what’s her problem?” with a snicker, in the bathroom I was offered (to the point of people almost insisting) the handicap stall as soon as it became available even though others were in front of me and then shortly after someone said “is that a cane???” to me. Obviously, it was! After having had enough, I replied to the woman “No, it’s a BBG stick!” so she asked “what’s a BBG stick?” and I told her “It’s a Bitch Be Good Stick” and smiled. That quickly ended our encounter. It also makes me laugh till this day when I realize that I don’t use a cane, I carry a BBG stick.
